


The War to End Them All

by NatashaRS



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, It ends good okay, M/M, Phasma Ships It, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-Slash, Slash, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatashaRS/pseuds/NatashaRS
Summary: Master Knight Kylo Ren and First Order General Armitage Hux got into a fistfight.That's right. A fistfight. In front of the whole crew of the Finalizer. But this story is not about that fistfight - it's about the shit that went down after. Snoke said that if it happens again, they're being sent to some bad places, and Hux got the bright idea to push Kylo until he snaps and is sent off alone. Kylo caught on. Now they're in a prank war that Phasma (reluctantly) was recruited to help with and which is causing the crew some deep stress. No one needs to see Kylo Ren's underwear.No one.(Mostly humor/crack. Eventual ship. In the best way possible. I'll add the tags later.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starshaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starshaker/gifts).



> So I have a bunch (a bunch!) of mini-chapters that feature the stupid stuff going on. The plot isn't very deep. Please enjoy. Also I am open to adding some bonus chapters so if you have a great prank that you think Hux or Kylo should pull then LET ME KNOW.
> 
> This is for starshaker!!!
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That’s it. I’ve had it with Kylo Ren. This is war.”

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren, the menacing monster that terrorized the Resistance and the First Order alike, marched down the hall in his usual heavy-booted manner. Around him, however, things were a bit different. The men that usually averted their eyes at first sight of his black robes stifled laughter as they passed him. The female officers couldn’t help the pinkening of their cheeks as they too acted unusually towards the knight. Kylo’s insides boiled - the crew of the _Finalizer_ was acting awfully strange and he hadn’t had a clue as to why. It was infuriating.

The moment Kylo entered the bridge, the red-haired man in command turned around and greeted him.

“Hello, Ren. What brings you here?”

General Hux’s smile was not fake, and that disturbed Kylo even more. The small, yet genuine, expression was so unlike the other man, and quite a clear sign that something was about to go (or had already gone) drastically wrong for Kylo.

“General, you can drop the pleasantries. The Supreme Leader said only to restrain ourselves from fighting, not act like we’re friends.”

“I’m just being decent, Ren. It’s something that they teach us commanding officers as it’s actually very useful for diplomacy. Then again, I don’t try to portray myself as a brute.”

Kylo’s fist tightened, but his mind sent him a strict warning. Only seven cycles prior, the Supreme Leader had raged on Armitage and him. Apparently, Snoke could show mercy. He only threatened to have Armitage sent to the “rehabilitation” facility on Dormar and Kylo to a personal “training camp” of his design, should the two break out into a fistfight again. The bruise caused by Armitage’s unexpected right hook was still on Kylo’s face, but hidden by the mask. Eventually it would heal, but he was certain that his ego would not. He knew that he should have killed the general as soon as the fight broke out.

“Enough, General. I need to know why your men, and you for that matter, are acting so strangely. What’s going on here?”

Armitage smirked, “I have no idea. Now, if you’ve got nothing else to discuss, I have some pressing business to attend to.”

Kylo left the bridge without another word and tried to refrain from murdering the crew for the rest of the day cycle. It was only after he disrobed in the evening to do his private physical training that he smelled the perfume on his cloak. It was strong and the only reason he had missed it was because he’d put his helmet on before the droid brought his cloak back from cleaning in the morning. The scent was a mixture of musk from the Trist region of Thymar, jay flower from Kaplan, and the non-toxic aroma of the poison Celf. The perfume was called _Itsmar_ and it was the signature scent of Therbian porn star Jal’Quo’ar.

As soon as Kylo recognized it, he cussed the general out. And, of course, he swore his revenge. Two could play at that game.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prank 2: Revenge of the Kylo

Armitage Hux looked at the bottle in his hand. It was a sparkling clear container that just fit in his palm and contained a slightly blue liquid which had dancing silver streaks moving about it. It was a shame, he thought, that he had to sacrifice some of his expensive, rare,  secret private perfume, but he smiled at the results. The FOC that the officers had turned into a social sharing platform (it was originally just intended for basic non-urgent communication) was plastered with photoshopped images of Kylo Ren’s helmet on the naked Jal’Quo’ar’s body. Anyone that hadn't already heard of the star had certainly discovered who he was as a result of the general’s prank. There were too many modified images to count. His favorite was the iconic “under the binary moons of Fortas” poster that someone had modified. It featured the porn star emerging from a dark lake in the moonlight of Fortas’s two moons. It wasn't the funniest of the images, but Armitage had his reasons for liking it. He removed the thought from his head and tucked his bottle securely into a compartment in the wall. A panel slid silently shut in front of it, giving the appearance that nothing was there.

Armitage finished buttoning up his shirt and then went to slip on his sleek black boots. Just as he was finishing his normal morning routine, he got a message over his comms to report to the bridge. Someone had messed something up. Grabbing his coat, he strode out his door and made way for the bridge. He passed Kylo Ren on the way, but was too concerned with getting to the bridge to make a snide comment, let alone pay attention to the man and observe any odd behavior. 

As he marched down the hall, a small, disregarded voice in his mind told him that something was off. Something felt wrong. The voice was easily ignored but grew louder and louder until Armitage felt the pain that stepping on his left foot was causing him. He stopped and adjusted his foot in his boot, but the pain persisted. He could have sworn that there was something there, except there had not been anything in his shoe when he put it on in the morning. Ducking into a side hallway, he decided to check. Lo and behold, a small, rectangular, signal-unit credit clanged onto the floor. Armitage didn't know what to make of it. He pocketed the small piece of metal and continued his way towards the bridge.

The rest of the details of the minor crisis were explained to him once he reached his location and he went to work correcting the problem. In no time, he forgot all about the credit. That was, until he was walking on the lower deck and felt a small object hit the top of his head. On the floor, where the object had bounced to, was another single-unit credit. He furrowed his brows and snatched it up before looking at the deck above. It could have, he reasoned, been kicked across the floor by accident and fallen on him. He reached into his pocket, wondering if it was the same credit that he had found earlier, and felt his first credit securely in place. He added the second credit to his pocket and then went about business, not wanting to make a spectacle of the matter.

Again his mind left the topic of the credits, and again it was suddenly shoved in front of his face once more. Armitage stepped towards the faucet in the fresher to rinse his hands only to discover that the water was not flowing through. Perplexed, he turned his head and looked under the faucet. The credit that he found adhered to the opening did not confuse him that time, it made him mad. Chest heating up with anger, he took a few deep breaths before removing the credit, placing it in his pocket, and returning to the bridge.

“Mitaka,” he snapped, “where has Kylo Ren been for the past cycle?”

“In his room and a training room. Seventh sector of the ship.”

Kylo’s quarters were near the bridge, but the training room in the seventh sector was nowhere nearby. Armitage sighed and told the lieutenant to keep an eye on Kylo’s position. He then went back to work.

“I don't have time for your games, Ren,” he muttered to himself.

He continued to find credits throughout the rest of the day. One appeared in his glove, another was stuck to his datapad, and a third was found wedged in the slot that his desk screen raised out of. When he went to adjust the Republic-era blaster that he had on display on his office shelf, he discovered that a credit had been placed under the stand, causing it to be lopsided. And yet, every time he checked up on Kylo, the knight had an alibi. Armitage was sure that Phasma was getting tired of his theories on how the knight did it. 

The final straw came when the general was notified of a malfunctioning panel on the bridge. It wasn't just any panel, of course, it was the main informations panel that the general had all his data sent through while on the bridge. 

“It doesn't seem to be a systems malfunction, sir. I think something is wrong with the components. The weird thing is, however, it was working just fine a minute ago. Have you noticed anything unusual with it, sir.”

“No. Mitaka,” he snapped to the man standing beside him, “check the logs. I want to know if anyone worked on this panel in the last six cycles.”

“Open it up,” he told the crouching engineer.

They opened the panel and yet, at first, nothing seemed out of place. Armitage looked over the orderly mess of wires and electronics. An odd glimmer attracted his attention, and as he took a step forward, he barely heard the familiar sound of heavy boots on the bridge. Armitage got close to the panel and reached past the wires towards the back. Between his fingers, he pulled out a small, black, single-unit credit. It had been wedged between two components that were supposed to be in contact with each other. 

“Is there a problem, General?” a filtered voice said from behind him. 

Armitage turned around, clutching the credit tightly in his hand, “Kylo Ren!”

“You think this was me, General?”

“I know this was you. Do you think that you can conveniently show up here and then claim innocence?”

“I do. You can ask Captain Phasma. I walked with her here, so I have proof that I did nothing to disrupt your work. Unless you think that somehow I used my magical powers to open a panel without your knowledge and insert a-what is that? A credit?”

There was a silent pause.

“Well, General, what do you think? The whole bridge is waiting.”

Armitage was suddenly aware of the eyes that were on him, and his face grew red.

“Get off of my bridge,” he snapped. Turning, he ordered the panel to be closed and the officers to resume their work.

As Kylo Ren left, in an all too pleasant move, Armitage told Phasma to create a report on his whereabouts.

“Yes, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. I need your help with something.”

Captain Phasma had already heard a similar statement that week, and she was not looking forward to seeing what it would lead to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Phasma!

**Author's Note:**

> You can ask me wtf is going on in my head at my blog nat-fic.tumblr.com
> 
> I'll be happy to see you!


End file.
